Raiden: My Cyber Child

I have been re-evaluating my life recently. There are lots of things I want in life, but the main thing I want to do right is raise my kids. I think I am doing a bang up job given they are still blessing me with their presence. Which include hugs and kisses even though at times I want to spank their little butts I love them more than anything.

I even have a bunch of cyber children that I talk to and have for years. Right Raiden? I use to play this space sim called Tachyon: The Fringe. Great game with a great bunch of people. Even though it died due to modding and the company pretty much letting it go. I still talk to these kids (one imparticular daily).

Sorry Raiden. Raiden has been through alot since he was 15 and is now on his way to college. Which I am very proud of. Even though I know that physically I wasn't there for him but emotionally I was. He went from the quiet child to a very handsome young man in just a few years. He had his heart broken and I listened while he tried to mend it. He has turned out to be on hell of a young adult. I just hope I can remember how I talked to him and do the same for my real life children.

You know something though this young man has been one hell of a listener. He has had to deal with me having 2 miscarriages. He dealt with me when RK made the mistake of hitting me in the head with a keyboard. He dealt with me through Gabbie's birth. This young man deserves alot.

Just a word of advice Raiden take it how you want to. I love you, but don't you forget about me when you run off to college and get to growing old hon. *hugs and kisses*

~Mom

Lurking...

I lurk a blog called Scott-O-Rama. Today I went there just to do my troll thing, but instead I actually posted. He is usually a funny guy, but today he had a serious post. I agree with what he said and you can love me or hate me for it.

Cudos Scott.

http://www.scott-o-rama.com/

Time is of the Essence

Oh my goodness. I have been neglecting a great thing in my life that I didn't realize I was doing.

I forgot that it is okay for me to actually do something for myself.

I forgot what it was like to sit down and read a book in the bathtub.

I finally had a night where I got into a nice warm bubble bath, after the kids were off to bed and read a book. I actually read a whole book while relaxing in the tub (of course I had to heat it up occasionally) without little fingers and toes in it with me.

I so forgot what it was like.

I love my children and I love being a mother don't get me wrong, but if I had a night like that once a week I would truely be in heaven.

I had to share this...

After living what I felt was a "decent" life, my time on earth came to the end.

The first thing I remember is sitting on a bench in the waiting room of what I thought to be a court house.

The doors opened and I was instructed to come in and have a seat by thedefense table.

As I looked around I saw the "prosecutor."

He was a villainous looking gent who snarled as he stared at me.

He definitely was the most evil person I have ever seen.

I sat down and looked to my left and there sat My Attorney, a kind andgentle looking man whose appearance seemed so familiarto me,I felt I knew Him.

The corner door flew open and there appeared the Judge in full flowing robes.

He commanded an awesome presence as He moved across the room I couldn't takemy eyes off of Him.

As He took His seat behind the bench, He said, "Let us begin."

The prosecutor rose and said,"My name is Satan and I am here to show you why this man belongs in hell."

He proceeded to tell of lies that I told, things that I stole, and In thepast when I cheated others. Satan told of other horriblePerversions that were once in my life and the more he spoke, the furtherdown in my seat I sank.

I was so embarrassed that I couldn't look at anyone, even my own Attorney,as the Devil told of sins that even I had completelyforgotten about.

As upset as I was at Satan for telling all these things about me, I was equally upset at My Attorney who sat there silently not Offering any form of defense at all.

I know I had been guilty of those things, but I had done some good in mylife - couldn't that at least equal out part of the harm I'd done?

Satan finished with a fury and said, "This man belongs in hell, he is guiltyof all that I have charged and there is not a personwho can prove otherwise."

When it was His turn, My Attorney first asked if He might approach the bench.

The Judge allowed this over the strong objection of Satan, and beckoned Him to come forward.

As He got up and started walking, I was able to see Him in His full splendorand majesty.

I realized why He seemed so familiar; this was Jesus representing me, myLord and my Savior.

He stopped at the bench and softly said to the Judge, "Hi, Dad," and then Heturned to address the court."

Satan was correct in saying that this man had sinned, I won't deny any ofthese allegations.

And, yes, the wage of sin is death, and this man deserves to be punished.

"Jesus took a deep breath and turned to His Father with outstretched arms andproclaimed, "However, I died on the cross sothat this person might have eternal life and he has accepted Me as hisSavior, so he is Mine."

My Lord continued with, "His name is written in the book of life and no one can snatch him from Me.

Satan still does not understand yet. This man is not to be given justice,but rather mercy.

"As Jesus sat down, He quietly paused, looked at His Father and said, "There is nothing else that needs to be done.I've done it all."

The Judge lifted His mighty hand and slammed the gavel down.

The following words bellowed from His lips.

"This man is free."

"The penalty for him has already been paid in full."

"Case dismissed."

As my Lord led me away, I could hear Satan ranting and raving, "I won't giveup, I will win the next one."

I asked Jesus as He gaveme my instructions where to go next, "Have you ever lost a case?"

Christ lovingly smiled and said, "Everyone that has come to Me and asked Me to represent them has received the same verdict as you,

~Paid In Full~

Fitness Program

http://hideaway_fun.home.att.net/377/fitness.htm

Cute and corny.

Just a little something

http://hideaway_fun.home.att.net/376/after_church.htm

To Kill An American

You probably missed it in the rush of news last week, but there was actually a report that someone in Pakistan had published in a newspaper an offer of a reward to anyone who killed an American, any American.

So an Australian dentist wrote the following to let everyone know what an American is... so they would know when they found one. (Good on ya, mate!!!!)

An American is English, or French, or Italian, Irish, German, Spanish, Polish, Russian or Greek.

An American may also be Canadian, Mexican, African, Indian, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Australian, Iranian, Asian, or Arab, or Pakistani, or Afghan.

An American may also be a Cherokee, Osage, Blackfoot, Navaho, Apache, Seminole or one of the many other tribes known as native Americans.

An American is Christian, or he could be Jewish, or Buddhist, or Muslim.

In fact, there are more Muslims in America than in Afghanistan. The only difference is that in America they are free to worship as each of them chooses.

An American is also free to believe in no religion. For that he will answer only to God, not to the government, or to armed thugs claiming to speak for the government and for God.

An American lives in the most prosperous land in the history of the world.

The root of that prosperity can be found in the Declaration of Independence, which recognizes the God given right of each person to the pursuit of happiness.

An American is generous. Americans have helped out just about every other nation in the world in their time of need.

When the Soviet army overran Afghanistan 20 years ago, Americans came with arms and supplies to enable the people to win back their country!

As of the morning of September 11, Americans had given more than any other nation to the poor in Afghanistan.

Americans welcome the best, the best products, the best books, the best music, the best food, the best athletes. But they also welcome the! least!

The national symbol of America, The Statue of Liberty, welcomes your tired and your poor, the wretched refuse of your teeming shores, the homeless, tempest tossed. These in fact are the people who built America.

Some of them were working in the Twin Towers the morning of September 11, 2001 earning a better life for their families. I've been told that the World Trade Center victims were from at least 30 other countries, cultures, and first languages, including those that aided and abetted the terrorists.

So you can try to kill an American if you must.

Hitler did.

So did General Tojo, and Stalin, and Mao Tse-Tung, and every bloodthirsty tyrant in the history of the world.

But, in doing so you would just be killing yourself. Because Americans are not a particular people from a particular place. They are the embodiment of the human spirit of freedom. Everyone who holds to that spirit, everywhere, is an American.

Author unknown

Just something to share...

http://hideaway_fun.home.att.net/374/life3s.htm

THIS IS BEAUTIFUL AND YOU WILL CRY...

Ok this was an e-mail I got from a friend of mine, but it kinda tells how I felt when my son died. (sort of anyhow) Kind of makes me wonder...

Sally jumped up as soon as she saw the surgeon come out of the operating room. She said: "How is my little boy? Is he going to be all right? When can I see him?" The surgeon said, "I'm sorry. We did all we could, but your boy didn't make it." Sally said, "Why do little children get cancer? Doesn't God care any more? Where were you, God, when my son needed you?"

The surgeon asked, "Would you like some time alone with your son? One of the nurses will be out in a few minutes, before he's transported to the university." Sally asked the nurse to stay with her while she said good-bye to son. She ran her fingers lovingly through his thick red curly hair. "Would you like a lock of his hair?" the nurse asked. Sally nodded yes. The nurse cut a lock of the boy's hair, put it in a plastic bag and handed it to Sally. The mother said, "It was Jimmy's idea to donate his body to the university for study. He said it might help somebody else. "I said no at first, but Jimmy said, 'Mom, I won't be using it after I die. Maybe it will help some other little boy spend one more day with his Mom." She went on, "My Jimmy had a heart of gold. Always thinking of someone else. Always wanting to help others if he could."

Sally walked out of Children's mercy Hospital for the last time, after spending most of the last six months there. She put the bag with Jimmy's belongings on the seat beside her in the car. The drive home was difficult. It was even harder to enter the empty house. She carried Jimmy's belongings, and the plastic bag with the lock of his hair to her son's room. She started placing the model cars and other personal things back in his room exactly where he had always kept them. She laid down across his bed and, hugging his pillow, cried herself to sleep. It was around midnight when Sally awoke. Laying beside her on the bed was a folded letter. The letter said:

"Dear Mom, I know you're going to miss me; but don't think that I will ever forget you, or stop loving you, just 'cause I'm not around to say I LOVE YOU. I will always love you, Mom, even more with each day. Someday we will see each other again. Until then, if you want to adopt a little boy so you won't be so lonely, that's okay with me. He can have my room and old stuff to play with. But, if you decide to get a girl instead, she probably wouldn't like the same things us boys do. You'll have to buy her dolls and stuff girls like, you know. Don't be sad thinking about me. This really is a neat place. Grandma and Grandpa met me as soon as I got here and showed me around some, but it will take a long time to see everything. The angels are so cool. I love to watch them fly. And, you know what? Jesus doesn't look like any of his pictures. Yet, when I saw Him, I knew it was Him. Jesus himself took me to see GOD! And guess what, Mom? I got to sit on God's knee and talk to Him, like I was somebody important. That's when I told Him that I wanted to write you a letter, to tell you good-bye and everything. But I already knew that wasn't allowed. Well, you know what Mom? God handed me some paper and His own personal pen to write you this letter. I think Gabriel is the name of the angel who is going to drop this letter off to you God said for me to give you the answer to one of the questions you asked Him 'Where was He when I needed him?' "God said He was in the same place with me, as when His son Jesus was on the cross. He was right there, as He always is with all His children.

Oh, by the way, Mom, no one else can see what I've written except you. To everyone else this is just a blank piece of paper. Isn't that cool? I have to give God His pen back now. He needs it to write some more names in the Book of Life. Tonight I get to sit at the table with Jesus for supper. I'm, sure the food will be great.

Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. I don't hurt anymore. The cancer is all gone. I'm glad because I couldn't stand that pain anymore and God couldn't stand to see me hurt so much, either. That's when He sent The Angel of Mercy to come get me. The Angel said I was a Special Delivery! How about that?

Signed with Love from: God, Jesus &Me.

Let's see Satan stop this one.

Take 60-seconds and send this to five other people, within the hour, you will have caused a multitude of believers to pray to God for each other.

Then sit back and feel the Holy Spirit work in your life for doing what you know God loves.

My Sister, My Best Friend

As of late I have been thinking of my sister alot here lately. She was a single mother who loved her children more than anything in the world. She loved unconditionally she would go without something to eat for her children to make sure that they had a full stomach.

Many moons ago I stayed with her in Mississippi where she was a dancer (yes I mean a stripper) too babysit her two kids. They were the most loving children I had ever encountered. Her youngest Jeremy was if I remember correctly all of 6 months old and her daughter Jennifer was 4 maybe 5 at the time. The kids didn't want for anything. They had all the newest toys, the best clothes, and as far as I was concerned the best mother.

My sister found out she was HIV positive when I was all of 13 or 14. My freshman year in high school what a bomb that was and how it was dropped was insane. I was angry at her for a while until we got to talk about it as I got a little older and not so stubborn. I was angry at her for getting the virus and at that time known widely still as a "gay" disease. I hated the thought that she could of possibly been bi-sexual, although today not having the mentality of a teenager I know alot more about this deadly disease; due to my sisters diagnosis.

My sister was my best friend. She was the one I talked to before I made the decision to have sex (which I wound up waiting). She was the one that knew I was getting married first. She was there when my parents disowned me. She was there when my son was born. She was there for me when my son died in my arms. She was there for me when I made the decision to leave my ex-husband. Sadly, she died in 1997 of complications from the HIV virus a mere six months after Christopher, my son, died.

Not only did she leave two children that loved her behind, but a sister that she had supported through all her tough times. Darian was a great woman in many different ways. I know that this little peak into her life isn't much but to me it's alot.

I get through my bad moments like Christopher's birthday thinking that Darian is now holding my beloved in her arms awaiting my arrival. I know in my heart that she is taking care of my own little angel.

Yet, I never got to tell her how much she meant to me. Sometimes I wonder if she knew at the time how much she meant to me. Sometimes I even wonder if she graces me with her presence at times. I just hope that she knows how much she meant and means to me. I love you Darian and you mean the world to me. Even after all these years I think I shouldn't of waited to say that.

A word of advice to you my readers. Never take your siblings, children, or family for granted. They are not here forever.

He Will Be

http://www.andiesisle.com/He-Will-Be.html

Something to share.

Dating....

Why is it that men have a tendency to believe a date will constitute spending money on a female?

Don't men realize that most women want to spend time with their significant other may it be a walk, a talk, or even just sitting down at a table to eat a meal with them.

What is a few hours out of your week or weekend, once you are off of work, going to cost you if you take the woman you claim to like or even love for a walk or just spend some time together?

Maybe, it's just me but courting someone should not always be about spending a great deal of money on them rather just time as a unit. (Or, maybe I am just a cheap date I don't know.)

I mean instead of going out to eat maybe you should prepare a special meal; may it be breakfast, lunch, or dinner and spend time talking to the one you care about or claim too anyhow.

Or you could just go on a walk through the woods, on the beach, or even around the block and talk to them as a person.

Of course, there are some women who would rather go fishing or spend time in the garden whom really don't like to get all dolled up.

Then again, there are some women who just need a hot bath drawn for them and a nice massage with scented lotion to loosen her up.

What would a card or a letter cost a man to make to express how he feels to his significant other?

Simplicity is definitely the answer to many women's hearts.

Although I would love to hear comments from my male readers I doubt I will get any feedback at all.

Just some points to ponder gentlemen.

~Hopes


This was my very first blog I ever wrote. I like it felt like it needed a revival of sorts.

Angel Knocking at the Door

I got this in my e-mail recently and thought I would share it with everyone.

http://soloshideaway.home.att.net/540/angel.htm

Anne Graham

In light of the many perversions and jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke, it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking.

Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her "How could God let something like this happen?" (regarding the attacks on Sept. 11).

Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response. She said "I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives.

And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?"

In light of recent events...terrorists attack, school shootings, etc. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found recently) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK.

Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school the Bible says thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. And we said OK.

Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr. Spock's son committed suicide). We said an expert should know what he's talking about. And we said OK.

Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves.

Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with "WE REAP WHAT WE SOW."

Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell. Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says.

Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing.

Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace.

Are you laughing?

Funny how when you forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they WILL think of you for sending it. Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of us.

This was sent to me in an e-mail and no I didn't send it out, instead I chose to blog it. Why? I think there are more people that stop by here than I even talk too on the net. I know there are people lurking and looking that read and never comment.

Yes, this made me think.

Apples....

Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take the apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy.


The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

Share this with other women who are good apples, even those who have already been picked!

Now Men . . . Men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

Child Welfare in the State of Missouri Part 3: Butler County Enters For Wayne County

Another update...

According to Sherry they finally have a case worker that is working from Butler County with Wayne County. Sherry said it was due to my calling and gripping to everyone I could. Thank god someone is finally listening to me about something important. It only took an act of congress for someone in Wayne County to do something they get paid for.

It truely is a shame that it took me e-mailing every state representative, the governor and everyone at CPS I could.

In other news Mark is progressing beautifully.

Abortion

I haven't touched on this subject in a while, yet I suppose it has been weighing on my mind for quite some time. I know that this is a touchy subject and something that I personally do not agree with.

Yet, when I ran across this blog http://aftertheloss.blogspot.com/ it scared me that she has one child and killed another. I know in my heart that this child now sits at God's feet, yet why not put the child she killed up for adoption?

An aborted child looks like: http://www.mttu.com/abort-pics/14week1.jpg prior to the procedure and many times like http://www.mttu.com/abort-pics/How%20many%20more.jpg, http://www.mttu.com/abort-pics/pic8.jpg, and http://www.mttu.com/abort-pics/baby-choice.jpg this after the procedure.

I know that those pictures are a harsh way to see a child. In fact, I would rather see a child put up for adoption than killed so inhumanely. Yes, I said killed. An unborn child has a heartbeat in between 18 and 25 days after conception. Yet, many women would rather have their child thrown in the trash like common trash.

Thanks to Roe vs. Wade women can get pregnant and make a choice, but what about the choice of the child?

The Armor of God

Put on the armor of Almighty God,
so you can withstand Satan’s schemes.
Our battle is not against flesh and blood;
no, things are not as they seem.

Our fight is against the powers of darkness,
with the forces of evil on high.
But He gave us His armor so we can stand firm,
on the Earth and in the sky.

Gird your loins with truth, which will always bear out,
the breastplate of righteousness wear.
Shod your feet with preparation of the gospel of peace;
take the shield of faith everywhere.

Take the helmet of salvation to wear on your head,
and the Spirit’s sword in your hand.
And pray in the Spirit all of the time so
against Satan’s plots you can stand.

©Peggy McIlveeneApril 24, 2002

An Eventful Night

Well, I had an eventful night last night. I dropped the kids off at the babysitter at 6:30 p.m. and went to work. I worked from 7 till about 1:30 a.m when I proceeded to cut the tip of my left thumb off. I didn't even realize I had did it until I went to turn the hose and seen blood. Lovely thing not seeing something and not feeling it until you do actually see blood. It didn't actually hurt it was numb almost instantly.

I think the blood scared me more than anything although I was less nervous than the first responders at my work. Needless, to say I ended up in the emergency room until 6 :00 a.m. Trying to get the doctors to just cut it the rest of the way off instead of tying it up with 3 stiches until in the morning when I go see an orthopedists.

Ahh...well the days in the life of someone that is actually working in a field they truely know nothing about.

Civility with an Ex is it Possible?

Nope. Not when two weeks after he leaves he is marrying another woman with two kids and plan on supporting them when he can't pay his child support for the two children he already does have.

Do I like him? No, I actually loathe him. Loathe may not be the word I am actually looking for here maybe despise, sickened by the thought of, hate, abhor, abominate, decline, despise, detest, dislike, down on, execrate, feel repugnance, refuse, reject, repudiate, revolt, and spurn. Oh my, yes then in that case I do loathe him.

Can I be civil with him? I could, but I absolutely don't want to be. Yes, I know for the sake of your daughter. My daughter doesn't need to know this man.

He is not what a father is suppose to be. A father would support their child no matter what. A true father wouldn't just quit a job because child support was being taken out of his check without having another job atleast. Of course a true father wouldn't call their daughter a bastard either. Would he? My father never called me a bastard because I was made out of wedlock, yet my mother and father married prior to my birth. Or is that just the Christian thing that Christian men do?

Yes, I realize that their is more to fatherhood and motherhood that many of you just don't understand. I am with my kids 24/7 unless at work. I sleep when they sleep. I eat when they eat. I take care of them regardless. The day he walked out I assumed the responsibility of both mother and father.

I am seriously considering going ahead and letting my fiancee adopt both. Yes, I know that he will have to be notified. I actually want him to try and fight it due to the fact that he is in arreage already and all that will do is prove my case that he is unfit and has no stability in his life to take care of my daughter.

So as you see civility is not the key to things with me when someone wants to upset my child's life in more than one way again. I won't let it happen. I won't allow it to happen. You are either a full-time father by supporting your children or you are a no-time father. Pretty simple when it comes to keeping peace.

I Refuse To Be Discouraged

I refuse to be discouraged,
To be sad, or to cry;
I refuse to be downhearted,
And here's the reason why . . .
I have a God who's mighty,
Who's sovereign and supreme;
I have a God who love me,
And I am on His team.
He is all wise and powerful, Jesus is His name;
Though everything is changeable,
My God remains the same.
My God knows all that's happening,
Beginning to end.
His presence is my comfort,
He is my dearest friend.

When sickness comes to weaken me,
To bring my head down low,
I call upon my mighty God;
Into His arms I go.
When circumstances threaten
To rob me from my peace,
He draws me close unto His breast,
Where all my strivings cease.
And when my heart melts within me,
And weakness takes control,
He gathers me into His arms,
He soothes my heart and soul.
The great "I AM" is with me,
My life is in His hands,
The "Son of the Lord" is my hope,
It's in His strength I stand.

I refuse to be defeated,
My eyes are on my God;
He has promised to be with me,
As through this life I trod.
I'm looking past all my circumstances,
To Heaven's throne above;
My prayers have reached the heart of God,
I'm resting in His love.
I give God thanks in everything,
My eyes are on his face;
The battle's His, the victory is mine;
He'll help me win the race.

Author Unknown

This is a poem that I would read right before I would go to my chemotherapy treatments. Every now and then I pull this poem out when I think I can't deal with the stresses of my very hectic schedule of day to day life and take a moment to reflect on what I am doing everything for.

As you see the author is unknown, but to whomever wrote this I have to say two words to them. Thank you.

Letter From Jesus

Dear Friend:

How are you? I just had to send a note to tell you how much I love you and care about you. I saw you yesterday as you were talking with your friends. I waited all day hoping you would want to talk with Me also. As evening drew near, I gave you a sunset to close your day and a cool breeze to rest you - and I waited. You never came. Oh yes, it hurt me - but I still love you because I am your friend. I saw you fall asleep last night and longed to touch your brow, so I spilled moonlight upon your face and pillow. Again, I waited, wanting to rush down so we could talk. I have so many gifts for you! You awakened late and rushed off to work without ever thinking of Me, and I still love you. My tears were in the rain.

Today you looked so sad - so all alone. It makes My heart ache because I understand. My friends let Me down too and hurt Me many times, but I love you. Oh, if you would only listen to Me! I LOVE YOU! I try to tell you in the blue sky and in the quiet green grass. I whisper it in the leaves on the trees and breathe it in the colors of flowers. I shout it to you in the mountain streams and give the birds love songs to sing. I clothe you with warm sunshine and perfume the air with nature scents. My love for you is deeper than the ocean and bigger than the biggest want or need that you will ever have. Oh, if you only knew how much I want to walk and talk with you. We could spend an eternity together in heaven. I know how hard it is on this earth. I really know! And I want to help you. I want you to know my father. He wants to help you too. My father is the way, you know. Just call Me - ask Me - talk with Me! Oh, please don't forget Me. I have so much to share with you! All right, I won't bother you any further. You are free to choose or reject Me. It is your decision. I have chosen you and because of this, I will wait - because I LOVE YOU!

Your Friend,

Jesus

Sick + Tired = Mood Swings Galore

Ok...I thought I was going to work at 11 guess I'm not Gabbie the Gorgeous spiked a nice temp of 101. I hate the fact that she just got shots today, but on top of that she has two more teeth coming in which makes for a cranky crabby baby girl in my house.

Which also makes me into a mommy dearest type of woman seeing as I haven't had sleep since Saturday night. I can't console her all she wants to do is cry and the one person she wants is nowhere to be found. I can tell it's a mixture of hurting from the shots by her cosntant rubbing and tell part of it is her teeth with the way she is gumming a sweet pickle I just gave her.

She is sitting in my lap right now just so content and happy but the minute I go to get up the screaming is ear piercing. So, I chose to sit here in front of the comp while she is contently watching everything I type and as I type each word I read it to her. She is slowly starting to doze off, but I am too scared to move her.

My house has been in upheaval this morning due to the constant wailing from her. I thought I was gonna pull out what little hair I have out.

Aww...well she is finally out and I love her for finally falling asleep but I hope she soon gets those teeth through those thick gums of hers.

Enough rambling now....

Ramblings...

When a child wants their father what do you tell them?

Oh honey daddy has a new family now he isn't at all worried about you. Nope, can't say that. That would damage their self-esteem. You might as well call them ugly or a bad child.

As of late, I think I have discovered the proper solution to this problem. I don't tell my kids anything at all about their father.

When they do ask I so want to tell them about him the real truth not the truth that he wants everyone to believe. He is not at all the proper 'Christian' that he allows people to think he is.

He is a man of convience. Convience always was the way he worked. You see when he needed a place to stay outside of his parents he moved in with me (never quite understood how that all came about really he never asked just showed up with his stuff). When he quit working I supported him while pregnant with his daughter, in school, and working a fully-time job.

Even now he has resorted back to his old ways. Another single mother whom he is promising marriage too and he isn't working, presently living at home with mommy and daddy supporting him. I do feel sorry for the present girlfriend though she really doesn't know what she is getting into. She will learn though, I am afraid the hard way.

These are the things I would love to tell my daughter, but I don't trying to save face in hopes that one day he will wake up and actually want to love her more than just as a matter of convience.

He reads this and I so know that he will have a tantrum to throw which will likely mean the silent treatment, but what else is new. We have a love hate relationship or should I say a loathing one. At this point in time I think that I wouldn't bat an eye if he left permanently. *sigh* I know that sounds bad but it's true. I actually loathe him more than anything.

The Most Beautiful Daughter in the World

The most celestial daughter a mother could possibly have.

Thank you NastyB you couldn't of done any better with this picture. I am totally in your debt. Therefore to try and resolve that debt check him out at http://www.knightd.net/ he is awsomely great at what he does.
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Deadbeat Dads: Are They Ever Truely Punished?

According to state laws these "men" (I use that term lightly) have responsibilities to their children and should pay for their childrens upbringing.

A man can be charged with criminal nonsupport. The failure of a parent to support a minor child that the parent is legally obligated to support is a crime in the State of Missouri. Nonsupport can be charged as a felony if the obligated parent fails to pay six months within a twelve-month period or has accumulated an arrearage in excess of five thousand dollars.

The obligated parent may have a defense to the charge if they can show good cause as to why support was not provided. Good cause may be illness, incapacitation or incarceration.

The purpose in filing a criminal nonsupport charge, like any other criminal charge, is punishment. The purpose is not to force the non-custodial parent to comply with the court Order, as it is in civil contempt proceedings. The obligated parent is afforded all of the rights guaranteed to any other criminal defendant.

If it is determined that criminal charges are the appropriate action to take, the custodial parent will receive an information letter, a questionnaire to fill out and a criminal complaint that must be signed in front of a notary and returned to this office.

The complaint is then filed with the court and, in the filing of a felony, a warrant is issued for the arrest of the obligated parent. After the arrest of the obligated parent, the custodial parent may be required to appear at the court hearings and possibly depositions.

Again, the purpose of filing criminal charges is to punish the individual who broke the law and not collect money from them.

The state says they will punish them, yet I am still waiting on that to happen in my case. I suppose that 4 more months isn't all that long. We will see.