With a new marriage comes new worries

My life has really changed within the last couple of weeks. I forgot what it was like to wake up with someone who is holding me and telling me how beautiful I am. (Even though I look like death warmed over in the mornings.) I forgot what that does to a person's self esteem. I am by far beautiful and I am not a confident person in real life.

Jesse on the other hand is. He asked me to marry him a total of eight times before I said yes. He knew in his heart that one day I would say yes I suppose, but I gave him a list of reasons as to why I wouldn't/couldn't/shouldn't marry him.

The age thing being the biggest part of it. I am ten years Jesse's senior and I just knew it would cause problems with people here in Smallville, U.S.A. Mainly, his parents although to my surprise it really hasn't caused any problems at all with my new mother-in-law. She was absolutely darling two days after the wedding. Even though I was babysitting 5 other kids she took the time to come talk and fuss at Jesse for inviting her while there were 9 children in our house. She fussed just like I do at my kids and I knew at that moment a mother is going to be a mother regardless of what any of us say. I couldn't help but to laugh while he blushed vehemently. It was absolutely darling.

Another was the fact that I only have one ovary and that one is tied off. We've discussed it over and over. So, we have opted to try invitro. Jesse is a great father to my children. They truely adore him and he absolutely dotes on them. He is stern when he needs to be, loving all the time, and most importantly leads by example. He doesn't hesitate teaching Daunte' a new game or letting Gabbie cuddle up in his lap. It is just such a beautiful sight. I hadn't realized what an effect he had on them until I just watched. Gabbie doesn't come to me anymore when she needs something she goes to him, especially since I have been working such odd hours of late. I kind of miss Gabbie coming to me for more juice or crawling up in my lap when she is tired. Sometimes I will get her out of her crib and let her sleep with us. I miss the baby I had; she has grown so much.

Jesse is about to go into the military and it scares me. The thought that I could lose him scares the bejeebies out of me. The thought that he could be gone for 18 months to Iraq scares me even more. I knew that he wanted to join and I accepted that the day I married him, but it doesn't make me stop worrying about it.

The thing is I never ever thought that you could adore someone as much as I do Jesse. He understands the fact that I am scared and why I am terrified. This is something new to me.

He is taking care of me and our children whole heartedly with an abundance of love while not regretting anything. It's funny I never thought a man could ever love me and my children the way Jesse does. He has given me faith. Faith in God, faith in man, and faith in myself.

I know he'll read this and probably tell me that this is the nicest thing anyone has ever said about him. If that's the case then these people knew nothing about him.

I love you honey.

A New Year; A New Start

Ok...I know I know I haven't been writing much.

So much has happened to me and my little family in the last month or so it's just ridiculous. Where to start is the question?

The month of December flew by thanks to things like the holidays, birthdays and of course a wedding.

Gabbie turned 2 on the 19th. She had a princess cake and the people who loved her around her. Yes, there is a thing called the terrible two's I am learning. She tells us to "ut up" which means shut up. She tells us to "weave er awone" which is leave her alone. She has also decided that she is the queen bee anywhere she goes. She doesn't want to be carried she wants to "walk" which means she will bolt from you the minute she is able. In that minute you see her hair and her legs going ninety to nothing. She is a quick little devil let me tell you. There is nothing funnier than to watch me trying to catch a 2 year old running down an aisle in Wal-Mart while she is giggling all the way.

Then of course Christmas was the 25th. Try having a pile of presents for kids plus friends and getting them to all be civial... what a chore.

On the 30th, I got married to the most wonderful man ever. Jesse is quite a bit younger than me *cough* by ten years *cough*, but the most loving individual I have ever met. He adores the children, and they just absolutely adore him. In fact, I woke up to him sitting in front of the television with Gabbie in his lap watching Star Wars. In a way that is scarey her watching Star Wars and remaining still that long, but it was a beautiful sight to see. Daunte' loves having another guy around to play with. Jesse will get down on the floor and play with his toys with him.

The funny thing is how we met was at work. Ahhh...yes the wonderful Waffle House. I was involved at the time with another gentleman and kept telling him no, but he was a persistent bugger. After, I split with my ex Jesse and I crossed paths at the local Wal-Mart and I took his number. I called him a couple days later and we talked for a few minutes. Later on that night he showed up and well....things kinda fell in place. We decided that the time was right and got married two weeks later. I mean we more than knew enough about each other. (Have you ever worked in an all night diner? The things we talk about!)

I found a more convient job for the both of us where I don't sleep all day and he is re-enlisting.

I love the fact that he is here when I wake up with his arms wrapped around me every morning.

I love the fact that we can talk for hours upon hours before we go to sleep at night.

I also love the fact that he helps cheer me up when I am having a bad day.

I also love the fact that I get a good morning kiss and a good night one.

I love the fact that he loves me and both the kids.

I think I just love the fact that I am actually in love with his heart, soul, and mind.